California – The summit

September 24, 2012

The other thing I wanted to do on our first day in California was to drive up to the summit to Penelope’s Point with the kids. We try to make it up there every time we go out to California. But this is the first time that I have taken both kids there.

Fiona knows that she has a sister and a brother, and that her sister is no longer here. Beyond that Im not sure how much she understands. But she knows that her father and I love and miss her sister very much.

We have a few things around the house that are Penelope’s; the clown my mother made for her with fabric we picked out before she was born, a ceramic heart that rests on her ashes, and a stuffed lamb that we bought right after we found out we were having a girl. Fiona likes to sleep with “lamb-y”, but we remind her that the lamb is special to us and that it belongs to her sister.

It was a beautiful day at the summit, so we hiked down to the rock where we spread her ashes. Fiona had a lot of fun playing with plants and trying to spot bugs along the way.

On Mark’s last trip out to California he made it up to the summit and he brought back a few of the end of the summer dried plants. They currently site in a glass jar on my nightstand. The ever observant Fiona noticed them the moment she came in to our room. She says the smell like sunshine and strawberries (but then again she says that everything smells like strawberries, or chocolate). So she was very excited to see the same plants growing at the summit. She picked several and carried them around saying that we needed to bring them home. I think they last about 30 seconds into our drive down the hill.

This is Penelope’s rock. I sat there with the kids for awhile and started to cry. Fiona hugged me and said “I know you miss my sister mama, but we love you and we wont leave”. Which of course made me cry. She is one special kid.

I have almost the same shot of Fiona when she was about the same size (note, I did not say she was the same age… I think she was 17 months old). Even though I was crying, my heart was very happy to have Fiona and Lincoln at Penelope’s point.

It makes me happy to be there and tell the kids about Penelope and to watch them play and have fun. Even before Penelope came along this was a special spot for Mark and I, its why we chose this place to spread her ashes. Fiona loved digging in the dirt looking for “treasure”.

Lincoln was busy being adorable. Seriously that boy is going to be a heart breaker someday. And he looks more and more like his daddy everyday.

We headed back down the hill with my heart full of love and happiness and perhaps a little sorrow, and the backseat filled with sleepy kids.

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One Response to “California – The summit”

  1. ifurie said

    you are one of the strongest women and mothers i know. penelope is so proud of you. i’m glad you got to share this with your kiddos. xo

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